Threw It On The Ground

February 7, 2012 | Family, Humor, Two Parents, Six kids, and Big Pharma

Each morning, the kids play iTunes Roulette with me. They each play songs from my library or from YouTube—oh, there are some stunners out there—taking turns and waiting for my head to explode and for me to yank the cord.

I’m ok with Vanessa Hudgens, Miranda Cosgrove, Victoria Justice, and even Big Time Rush if I’ve had something to settle my blood sugar, but there are others songs and videos that plague me for DAYS, usually during the hours they are at school. The only way to get them out of my head is to take them grocery shopping after school. Jesus wept.

We’ve run through The Best Song, NO LLAMA NOOO!, the entire Llamas With Hats series, This is the Best Burrito I’ve Ever Eaten, Shy Ronnie 2: Ronnie & Clyde (N entirely SFW), and others I’m not even going to link.

HOWEVER. We can’t stop laughing at this one. I’ll let you know when it finally gets chambered.

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What not to say after watching “Big Bang Theory” with your boyfriend

February 5, 2012 | Me, Me, Me, Two Parents, Six kids, and Big Pharma

Guy: Are you going to read or work or what?

Me: I’m just going…to…uh…

Guy: Right, I’ll get my headphones.

[three minutes later]

Me: “OH yeah! I just increased my php.ini max file upload by 125%! I’m gonna make this import my bitch!”

Guy: “So, can we fool around now?”

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Going to the… well, minister, anyway

February 5, 2012 | Family, Me, Me, Me, Two Parents, Six kids, and Big Pharma

Guy and I are just getting ready to go meet the minister for coffee to get to know each other and talk about ceremony preferences, etc.

Guy asked, “So what kind of ceremony do you want?”

I replied, “Buddhist.”

“Okay. I don’t care. As long as we say I do at the end, I’m cool.”

“Oh! We should leave in all the stuff about honoring and obeying and giving the woman away just to mess with my Mom. See if we can raise some hackles.”

“Oh dear God.”

“Do you promise to obey, without question and without ‘tone’, everything your husband asks?”

“Do you promise to surrender unto him his marital rights whenever he shall choose to demand them?”

“Will you promise to sign everything he shall put to you? In Sharpie? ”

“We could take bets on how long before she launches herself at me in a full body tackle and wrenches the ring back.”

“We should invite my ex and leave in the question about anyone objecting.”

“Yeah, but right before that, make sure to make mention of all your worldly goods.”

“You know she won’t say anything out loud, but we should pause really long, just to give her time.”

“We could sit down for a minute, chat with the kids.”

“Oh, the kids. ‘Will you surrender until him your children, their education and discipline, and rights, until they come of age?’ That should get another linebacker going.”

“Will you get in the car? We’re going to be late!”

“Only if you promise we can get a burrito on the way home. Will you put something in there about having monthly Andale runs?”

“Too far.”

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